Oklahoma: 7:00 AM

Image Source: Ashley Noelle

Somewhere in Oklahoma
7:00 AM

Downpour on the roads.

Lila split last night. Came back to the apartment after work; nothing left. I didn’t have much of anything of my own there, so I left a check for two months rent, grabbed my clothes and split myself. Can’t stand the thought of hanging around Austin by myself.

Christ, I’m a cliché now. I’m pulled over at some abandoned gas station in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma, having driven all night, riding out a cloudburst writing obnoxious sap in a journal. But damn, this sucks.

Someone leaves you, they don’t just take themselves and end a relationship. They take an entire time-frame. It’s everything. Everything that was on the radio, every place you ate at, all your mutual friends, all your plans, everything. And all of that stays, but it’s not yours anymore. Like someone steals your car and offers you a ride in it.

And I’m not feeling sorry for myself, but…

And I don’t hate her, but…

So I’m writing this now at 24 and dumb. I wonder if I’ll read this when I’m 40. I wonder if it will be like seeing 15 year old film of the guy who does the weather report, when he was thinner, darker hair, fewer lines and creases, different wardrobe. I wonder if I’ll even remember who she was or what was on the radio or what that restaurant was.

I can’t wait to get there, because it hurts like hell now.

  1. mobius faith said:

    I think one of the things I like about your writing is the style. You have a style similar to Sam Shepard’s writing. A sort-of, thisisthewayitis approach that is sort of devil-may-care but illuminating. A paradox for sure but a delightful one.

    • Thank you so much, Mobius! Haven’t read much Shepard, so that’s incidental, but I’ll be digging back into his work for sure, now.

  2. I am totally grooving on this piece this morning. This is such a poignant snapshot of a moment and a sensation set to a lyrical voice.

    Wow, Brian. This is practically perfect in every way. Nice, nice, nice.

      • Initiating snortlaugh… now. 🙂

        (You do not have an internal Danielle Steel. And even if you do, my internal Jackie Collins would beat your internal Danielle Steel in arm-wrestling any day of the week.)

  3. I think you should write a book of these things. You really just let the pictures speak to you. After reading your stories about them, I can’t really separate them from the picture. I don’t usually just tell people to write a book, but if you made a coffee table book…or maybe a few with categories (black and white, people, nature, etc) im pretty sure they would do really well.

    • Thank you so much! I’m definitely hoping to use this platform as a stepping stone to…something greater, not that this isn’t great, of course. I really can’t say thanks to you and all of you for your support, encouragement and kindness. You all have me believing here…

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