A Word From Phil

Image Source: MSNBC

So, are you all happy now? I saw my shadow! Wheeee, six more weeks of winter! Like you couldn’t have figured that out already. It’s the BEGINNING OF FEBRUARY! Do you honestly think that had I NOT seen my shadow the world would have shifted instantly to summer, like flipping channels? Really? You all must be dumber than I already think, and trust me, that’s saying a LOT.

And believe me when I say that I’m not pooh-poohing fun and games and tradition and all, no matter
how dumb-ass it all gets. I still get a bang out of all that stuff too. But come on. I mean, I’m sleeping
peacefully in my nice, warm, winter hidey-hole, and then I’m yanked out by some daft, elderly wanker in a top hat and held up in front of a mob of screaming kids and noise and flashy things. That shit is scary! You know that feeling of being yanked out of sleep by a phone call or a knock at the door? Well, imagine going from that to being carted onto a stage and expected to tap dance for the world! Try it sometime! You think I enJOY that action? I do not! Hell, I almost gave old top hat a nice little shower today! And I wouldn’t have been one bit sorry if I had…

Look, all I’m saying is …hey, can I get another Guinness? This is on your expense account, right? Anyway, all I’m saying is that I ain’t no freak show. I mean, I’m just Phil. Don’t even call me Punxsutawney, okay? I hate that. Like I want to be associated with this nowheresville. Hanging a damn circus name on me doesn’t help anything. Okay? So don’t. I’m glad you had your fun, and now you can take your little recorders and your little notepads and just piss off for another year, okay? Seriously, I’m done. No I’m NOT trying to be a crank, but I think you’ve gotten what you need for the year, right? So I’m done! Good night, sleep tight and kiss my ass, too…

  1. Unappreciative little rodent.

    • Unappreciative human gawker…

      • Well played, Sir.

      • I’ll be here all week…

  2. And we all thought that bunnies were really cuddly, loveable creatures!

    • Hah! Dream on! 😉

  3. nigelld said:

    Hi Brian Being from the UK I presume this little happy fella is a Groundhog 😉

    • Correct! Pip pip!

  4. morezennow said:

    Hey Phil, I don’t even know what you look like, you little lush, but I’ll buy you a pint!
    A fellow warm beer lover

    • Sorry, Phil is asleep until next Groundhog Day…

  5. Yes, but how were your nuts this year? If you were able to obtain large enough nuts it seems as though a shadow would be inevitable.
    Wait. didn’t I write this yesterday?

    • Phil’s got a pair.

  6. Also, I think the guy in the background needs to drop the damn hat and get back to trying to make me sponsor a third world child…

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