Greetings From Weeki Wachee

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“Shiiiiiit, another three shows today. Three shows flopping around for the mouthbreathers. Think this is glamorous? Yeah, YOU try swimming in a gunnysack. See how glamorous that is! You should see the bruise I got on my hip from when that no-talent clod Irene kicked me. Two weeks in the show an’ she STILL don’t know the goddamn moves…no way I’m gonna carry her ass anymore. An’ if Mr. Cole thinks for a goddamn second that I’m gonna add a fourth show he’s in for a rude cuppa Joe…. Bastard wants to get into my fins. Yeah, like THAT’s gonna happen… Christ, I shoulda stayed in Massapequa, stead’a movin’ to this malarial dump. Florida: the Dick of America! Three shows a day, six days a week, gettin’ ogled by a buncha Melvins, AND dumpin’ clams into the fryer for the goddamn Polident lickers at the Sea Shanty…..what a life. Awww, look at that little redhead in the fourth row, clappin’ like an ape and spillin’ your popcorn. Well, AIN’T YOU a real American Crackerjack! Probably a goddamn bed wetter….’an I’m BLOATED and CRAMPING ‘an Laverne just got her OWN apartment on 59th ….’an that nasty old perv up front! Take a picture, it’ll last longer! Ya filthy bastid….Jesus CHRIST what am I doing here?


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