One Toke Over the Line


Image Source: Illustrators Journal

My greatest claim to high school infamy? (Cover your ears, mom) I actually smoked a bowl in English class. Not going to lie: I’m still pretty amazed at this little bit of bad-assery.

How did I get away with toking up in a classroom in the middle of a school day, you ask? Perfect storm of happenstance.

1. My class was in a trailer, and I sat by the um, “living room” door, which was open on a warm day.
2. No wind.
3. This class was lead by Ms. Grant, who was, shall we say, a little slow on the uptake.

Conditions were perfect.

My “chum” Ryan, a metalhead stoner with a mullet and bad teen mustache combo and about 500 functioning brain cells, sat next to me on the other side of the open door, and he produced the pipe from his jean jacket. We both figured – okay, I was the brains of this operation, so I figured – that with the door open and Ms. Grant at the helm, we could probably get away with it. He leaned out first and blazed up, to the tittering amazement of the rest of the class. My turn!

I took the hot metal bowl, leaned out and got a good solid hit, then passed it back. The feeling of the weed spreading through my body and the amazement of the rest of my class was magic. Most heads were craned in my direction, and there were a few audible snorts and titters, but overall it was like nothing was happening.

At one point the (exploding plastic) inevitable happened: Ms. Grant looked up from whatever she was teaching, twitched her nose and said, “Class, do you smell something funny?” Of course nobody smelled a damn thing. Nothing to see here, folks. I think Ryan was holding the bowl in his hand under the desk as we both stared straight ahead, a couple of red-eyed church mice. We both barely stifled a hyperventilating-laugh, because of course, this was the funniest thing ever. And that was it: back to the pipe we went, with total impunity.

I’m still amazed that I pulled this one off. Not only for the brazenness of the crime, but also because I was such a paranoid straight-and-narrow kid. I knew that if I ever tried to pull something like this off, I would get caught, and all of my co-conspirators would skate. But knowing Ms. Grant, I just knew I’d be able to pull it off that day. And isn’t that really what high school is all about? Leaving your comfort zone and taking risks?

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31 comments
  1. free penny press said:

    So I guess my skipping school pales in comparison to this :-)
    You little rebel you !!

    • Hey, other than this incident, skipping is my biggest bit of rebellion. ;)

  2. You are (were) terrible, Brian!! ;)

    • Still can’t believe I pulled this one off!

  3. Not even going to begin to tell you how funny this was. Won’t even start to compare stories either.

    • Oh, I think you need to throw down some stories. Get to!

  4. The details might be a little different, but I have similarly great stories.
    This one brought me back to those days.

    • Get to scribing, Guap!

  5. I got high a few times during the school day but never during class. In college I took a philosophy (a survey course on existentialism) exam stoned. My reasoning was that since I was stoned the night before when I studied, I should be stoned when I took the exam, so right before class I took a few hits. I got an A on the exam.

    • I passed high school French with a 73 only because I was baked like crazy – and therefore relaxed – for my final. Go us!

  6. And this is why I love to read, to live vicariously through the adventures of others…:)

    • I try to provide…

  7. hahaha! I was too much of a straight arrow for those shenanigans. That doesn’t mean I didn’t delight when my friends acted like the rebels they were. I lived vicariously through their naughtiness. ;)

    • It’s so out of character for me as well! I was petrified of the principals office! Go figure…

  8. Grippy and I could have been best friends…always looking in and never acting out. I bowled through high school, too…
    Clarify: pins and lane bowling. So lame.
    Geez……..you continue to rock my socks, Brian!

    • Yes, of cours. Pins and lane…

  9. Hi Brian–

    Nice story. Guess what? I did this too!! It was in Mr. King’s computer class. Mr. King acted like we weren’t even there! I don’t know what the hell he did over at his desk in the corner but it wasn’t watch us kids! Needlesstosay this one day I was bored with Solitare and the kid I usually flirted with (sitting on his lap and everything haha) was out sick and without even thinking (really) I pulled a little metal sneak-a-toke out of my pocket, held it to my mouth, lit it, inhaled quickly and blew a big stream of smoke out. The girls in my class all looked at me with their eyes massive. Everyone got quiet. Noone said “pass that over here”. I laughed and shoved it back in my cargo pocket.

    A few moments later the bell rang and while I was leaving class my best friend said to me “why would you DO that?” I didn’t have an answer. It was just something I did. I think you understand.

    The next day Mr. King didn’t say a thing nor did I get tracked down by the principal later that day. Stupid, stupid thing to do. But I know a lot of people won’t forget it.

    • No.

      Friggin’.

      Way.

      I’ve always dug you, but holy! Just….holy awesome!

      • Never thought anyone would appreciate me for that one :) Thanks, I guess. You’re an honest writer Brian.

      • Takes one to know one. *grin*

  10. This is a story well told! Love your details – the red-eyed church mice, the metal head stoner with the bad teeth…laughing still! But as a former high school English teacher, I’m a little concerned now about what might have happened under my nose! (I have a friend who taught math who didn’t notice a hand job being kindly delivered at the back of her classroom.)

    • A happy ending for all!

  11. Risks! That sums up life! Great story!

    • Yesssss!

  12. Thaddeus Dombrowski said:

    Reminds me of the time I watched two students in my 8th grade art class engaged in a sex act under the table while the teacher, a nice old man, but very old, lectured.

    • Ummm….yeah, that’ll put a crimp in the learning process.

      Thanks for dropping in! Great to have you.

  13. Now you’re going to have to repeat that class because someone forwarded this post to Ms. Grant. Uh oh.

    • Good thing she’s dead. Winning!

  14. I see you in a whole new light now. A hazy, psychedelic light. Respect.

    • huh…huh……you said….stuff…….

  15. Reblogged this on G & R.

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