Loud In My Head


Image Source: Fred Herzog

I swear, sometimes I think I’m gonna lose my nut. It’s….it’s all too much sometimes. Always something telling ya where to park, where to not park, what kind soft drink to buy, what kind coffee, where to get jewelry, how to pay for the jewelry on credit installments…I can hardly take it sometimes.

I got a room at the Empire, an’ sometimes if I have to go out I feel like I ain’t gonna make it back in one piece. Like one of them billboards is gonna come to life and shove a Coca Cola down my throat, or a giant neon coffee cup is gonna tip over and spill scalding coffee all over my head.

Car horns honking all day an’ night, people yelling, sirens screaming…

If I do get back to my room, I jump under the covers an’ bury my head under the pillow an’ try to block it all out. But it gets so damn loud in my head that the noise never gets blocked out. An’ what I hear in my head…I, uh…well, I get some bad thoughts in there sometimes.

I just don’t understand this world, is all. I don’t get along so well with so many other people an’ so much noise an’ all the signs an’ the city hitting me over the head…I just…just…like, I wish I could move out an’…

I don’t even know anymore. I just want somewhere quiet, you know? Someplace quiet and sort of pretty, where I can hear myself think and I’m not tripping over piles of rotting garbage and smelling a cesspool every block. An’ someplace where I don’t have to be around too many people.

People hurt. People hurt me. Always laughing behind my back and trying to sell me dress shirts and cigarettes and Chevrolets and saying nasty things under their breath… Too much pain. Too much noise. Too much…too much, ya know?

I’m not made for this place. I just want to get out.

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33 comments
  1. That picture really is a great snapshot of what you’re talking about. I’m thinking you’re such a great writer that your words will drown out all the racket. We have 3 billboards at Queen’s end. I’m so into my own world, I don’t even know what’s on them. Okay, I just went and looked at one. Snow White and The Huntsman. Yes, I won’t be going to see that movie.

    • Nice thing about Maine: no billboards. They were outlawed in the early 80s.

      • We still have them here, but they are controlled by regulation$.

  2. Yes. I understand. I completely understand. People hurt. People hurt me. Yes. As you most likely are well aware, there ARE places out there where you can hear yourself think. I lived in a place like that for several years, now I find myself in the city again and I..can’t…stand…it. Yes, yes, I know what you mean. Some people love the buzz of the city. But not you, not right now, and not me, perhaps ever. Buy this, sit here, stand there, pay me, pay me, can you hear me over the traffic?

    • WHAAAT??? ;P

      Great to see you, Terah. Hope you have a tranquil day.

  3. AgrippingLife said:

    Oh my gosh, I LOVE this. It breaks my heart because I know there are so many like this guy. One of my many crazy fantasies is to take someone like this and bring them into a peaceful country setting and let tranquility wash over them until they feel restored and renewed. I can’t imagine living a life like that – to me it would be pure hell.

    • What a great idea, Grips!

  4. Travel to São Paulo sometime; no advertisements anywhere!

  5. Great story. Longing for some alone tme now though.

  6. So vivid, so real; I know this life and run away frequently but never far enough or long enough. You did a wonderful job of bringing to life the emotional pain.

    • Guess we’ve all been there, huh? Peace and quiet…

  7. This was my day yesterday. Even worse, I almost hit a deer on the way to work and I thought to myself, “Even nature is getting in my way today.”

    • Meh. Hate that feeling. Hope you’re home with namesake beverage and drawn curtains soon.

  8. Lov the photo, it speaks volumes to the noise that we van creat in our head.

    • Stunning photo, really, innit?

  9. Rebecca Booth said:

    Sounds like a bad day! But you’ve captured the over exposure of advertisement into words perfectly. Favourite line “Like one of them billboards is gonna come to life and shove a Coca Cola down my throat”

    • Thanks so much!

  10. its like you read my mind.

    • Well, you left that Post-it on your left cortex…

      • ah, so I did ;)

  11. I hope it’s not just me that feels this way living in a big city. As exciting it is to live a fast-paced life, sometimes you just need to get away and get quiet. Great post!

    • Oh, I’m sure we’ve all been there. Thanks so much for stopping in!

  12. Great! You wrote every word that’s been running in my head for the past months! I’ve been saying this “I’m not made for this place. I just want to get out.” a little too often these weeks! So, in search of some place quiet and sort of pretty, yea.

    • Awesome! Glad to hear this one resonated with you, and glad you’re here.

  13. I love city noise and miss it!!
    Years back when I was traveling from NYC to Chicago a news story about Noise Pollution came on NPR. A good listen and info for a young photographer moving to Chicago and living with constant noise. Something I hadn’t considered when planning to move there while I was still living in Montana. Home of the Big Sky and Solace. I can’t find any transcripts of that show but it mostly talked about decibels and the effect they have on hearing. It was interesting and definitely food for thought….
    Here I have left you with some more recent excerpts and links for solutions to noise pollution…..cheers SueAnn

    “Music is the city……you already can’t go more than a few minutes without hearing some, whether you want to or not.

    No, New York doesn’t really need any more music; what it needs is more silence. But can the average person hope to find any these days? Is there anything a guy who just wants a little peace and quiet can put in or over his ears to get it? ”

    http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/01/arts/noises-of-new-york-citys-racket-can-be-restorative.html?ref=noisepollution

    Embrace it and orchestrate your day with music!! or just flee to your nearest forest for the weekend.

    • Good stuff, thanks! I definitely miss my Boston noise frequently. Glad you’re here!

      • Thanks Brian! I’m glad you are HERE too. Great writing that inspires me to blog on and push through my writing. Sometimes my comment to others are LONGER than what I can spit out in my own blog. lolz

      • p.s. I follow a blogger living in my hometown – check out his latest post and photographs….this is where I go when things get to hectic, even if it’s just in my mind. Enjoy Brian. http://bedrockandparadox.com/2012/06/05/the-belly-of-the-chief/

      • Amazing pics, thanks.

  14. Nicole Marie said:

    I do love the city, but only sometimes. Other times the smell of metal and urine and exhaust and whatever seeps up through those grates on the street is all too much for me and I’d rather be in the mountains (where I am right now!). Those signs are overwhelming; great details.

    • Time and place, right? *grin* Enjoy the mountains!

  15. Reblogged this on Michelle Lata Journal.

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